Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think people are normalizing furries
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
