fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Randomize
