haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
