how hairy? two words: wookie tits
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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