The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have fence marks all over my body
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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