Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
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Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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