There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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