I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
