I hate all girls vehemently.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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