OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Randomize
