Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
