My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Mom said you looked used
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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