Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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