why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
