Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize