Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
