bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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