She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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