i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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