I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I understand Curling. That high.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
