She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
