I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Life is so much better after having sex.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
