I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
