So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
