So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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