Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
