you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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