I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
