onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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