I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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