you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
