the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
