We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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