so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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