I'm so fucking centered right now
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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