The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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