I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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