We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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