i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
