dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
