WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
