The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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