Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
