just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
