if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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