yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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