Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
