Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize