dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
please don't ironically join a cult
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