Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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