Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
