Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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