Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
