what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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