I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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