Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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