Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
