So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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