Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
