I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
