i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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