Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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