It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
