apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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