some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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