Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
