I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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