guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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