I have demons in me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
