guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
