just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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