Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize