she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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