sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
