Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
