My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you had me at cake vodka
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
