so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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