you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
