the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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