now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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