And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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