you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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