I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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